Long-distance relationships (LDRs) are not a rarity on the Smith College campus. With students from all over the country — and globe — there are bound to be Smithies who had to part ways with a significant other at the end of the summer.
In fact, LDRs are common among college students. With a variety of platforms that facilitate instantaneous communication between couples even when they’re apart, LDRs have a greater chance to thrive. The pandemic urged an evolution of online connection, making LDRs more common and within reach than before. Nearly two years of quarantine have taught all of us how to navigate a world of exclusively virtual communication.
In this era of online communication, LDRs are the future. They allow both parties to grow and chase goals that are important to them — in their respective locations — while maintaining their relationship. Carving out quality time with your partner can be an uphill battle, especially when it almost always involves staring at a screen. I’m lucky enough to have a partner in the same time zone, but I imagine that navigating different ones is a whole different monster. That being said, LDRs can have an unconventional timeline.
The fast-paced relationship stereotype is prevalent among LGBTQ+ people (see: this opinion piece on the U-Haul stereotype). Going from a dramatic love confession to a full-blown relationship in under a month is commonplace in our community. The truth is, digital communication tends to make people bolder. Talking from behind the safe boundary of a phone forces people to be more emotionally available, which tends to usher relationships through their phases faster. This, in combination with the intensity of many queer relationships, makes for a sometimes lightning-speed progression in commitment.
There are many different platforms that can make this dream of a U-Haul relationship a reality. Consider turning to teleparty to organize a movie/date night or more old fashioned methods like a handwritten letter. Sometimes the key is to balance different kinds of communication. When you don’t have time to talk, listen to a shared playlist or write a journal entry, consider all the different ways to show your partner you’re thinking of them.
Get to know your and your partner’s love languages (you can take the quiz here). For people whose primary love language is physical touch, swapping clothes or getting stuffed animals together is a fun solution. Stuffed animal shopping is ideally done in person, where both you and your partner can share a memory associated with the stuffies. I suggest a trip to the Holyoke Mall’s Build-A-Bear. For people who value quality time, set up a weekly FaceTime date or create a routine that allows structured time together. Gift-giving remains fairly easy while long distance, as do words of affirmation. Continue to do acts of service for each other: reaching out when times are hard and offering to ease their burden from a distance.
Realistically, LDRs don’t always work out. Even when they end, however, this doesn’t mean that they were entirely unsuccessful. Success can also be defined by a happy, healthy relationship that teaches both individuals a lesson in the end. College relationships usually don’t last forever, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy them while they last.
LDRs tend to get a bad reputation. Sometimes it can be difficult for people to accept that a happy relationship doesn’t have a singular look or definition. For some, it means constant close proximity to each other; for others, it means a nightly FaceTime to brush teeth and catch up. Either way, the key to a happy relationship is communication.
So, don’t lose faith if you see yourself heading towards a LDR. Take a moment to think about how much you care about your partner and remember to let them know how much they mean to you. Write them a note, send them a random text or set up a recurring time to talk to them. Like any other kind of relationship, LDRs can be a chance to learn, grow and connect.
