It’s cuffing season and, at long last, I am cuffed. After struggling through a summer filled with pangs of yearning and many long-distance FaceTime calls, I feel so lucky to be on the same campus as my partner once again. But, as the leaves begin to turn and Smithies start to bring their coziest grandpa sweaters out of hibernation, I am once again reminded that it is, in fact, cuffing season, and I want to be cuffed in the cutest, most domestic, most gay-girl-autumn way possible.
I want to cuddle up with my partner (both of us wearing the aforementioned thrifted grandpa sweaters) with warm cups of chai and watch wholesome autumnal series like “Over the Garden Wall.” I want to go apple picking together and make apple pie and eat it à la mode. I want to hold hands with her and frolic through a field as brightly colored leaves fall on us and the wind blows in our hair.
But it goes even further than that. What I really, truly want is to feel like a cute elderly couple preparing their rural cottage — and multiple cats — for the winter.
Is that too much to ask for?
It is more difficult than I thought to see this fantasy realized when you are living in a tiny dorm room at Smith College, have piles of reading to do and are already overcommitted to various extracurriculars. The life of a Smithie during the fall semester is not exactly the living embodiment of the song “We Fell in Love in October,” as much as I sometimes want it to be.
Especially in a new relationship, it is so easy to get caught up in these fantasies: imagining your dream life with your partner and, of course, all the cats you’re going to co-parent. But nothing says reality check like an email from the Office of the Registrar reminding you that tomorrow is the last day to drop a class (you know, that one class where you’re hanging on by a thread). In the blink of an eye, you’re back to reality and worried you won’t get to spend as much time as you’d like with your partner because of all the work you’re behind on.
But don’t fret, young lovers. You can still have the gay-girl-autumn of your dreams. My partner and I, despite the odds being stacked against us, have found creative ways to be cozy and domestic together and live out our U-Haul fantasies, if only for a short while.
My first plan of attack is to combat the notorious Sunday Scaries; they can get particularly menacing when the temperatures start dropping and the sun begins its descent at the ungodly hour of 4:00 p.m. So, I try to do something fun with my partner on Sundays. If the weather is nice, sometimes we go for a picnic. Even the walk back up the hill after stopping at the State Street Fruit Store can be idyllic and romantic as long as you focus on the basket of fresh berries you’re carrying — cottage-core lesbianism at its finest!
Our usual plan is to find a scenic spot by Paradise Pond and munch on our makeshift charcuterie board. It is imperative, in my opinion, to enjoy the majesty of the pond — the undeniable gem of our campus — before it is drained for the winter.
Then, it’s back to the library. We are both working women, and we have to support our growing family (I’ll get to that later) somehow. My partner and I enjoy a balanced relationship in which both of us are the bread-winners. That means a great deal of time spent pomodoro-ing in the Neilson Library together. Surprisingly, this can be romantic if you incorporate the occasional longing glance at one another across the table.
Eventually, when we’re both burnt out from our respective workloads, we’ll retreat to a good, old-fashioned movie night. Some of our all-time favorites include “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” and “Carol.” There is obviously nothing whatsoever erotic about either of these films, and we, of course, pay close attention to the brilliant cinematography throughout the entire duration.
And what’s a movie night without some popcorn and bubbly? I, personally, would recommend Trader Joe’s assortment of “Secco” wine products: the perfect choice to accommodate the humble purse of many a college student.
Unfortunately, being romantic can be expensive, which is something my partner and I have had to work around. Instead of buying each other flowers, we play forager and pick flowers from around campus and town to make a more personalized arrangement. Even if tiny petals fall all over the floor of my room, it’s the thought that counts.
But I suppose I should address the elephant in the room. Recently, my partner and I became parents. That’s right, we got a fish. He lives in my partner’s room during the school year and will come home with me on the breaks. He has a brightly illuminated, filtered tank complete with plenty of decorations. He doesn’t do much besides swim in circles, but he is our pride and joy all the same. Just as we take care of him, he makes us feel like parents, and contributes to the domestic feeling we have been striving to achieve all semester. He has had a profoundly positive impact on our relationship.
Aside from growing your family, there are plenty of other ways to feel cozy and domestic with your partner this autumn. I think the most important thing is to allow yourself to live out the fantasy while it lasts. It seems so rare that we get a break from the daily grind, and being with your significant other should be a respite from that.
The main takeaway? Enjoy the time you get to spend with your partner and know that it doesn’t have to be perfect.
