Smith College Girlfriend Hunger Strike

Hello,

I am a junior at Smith College. As of now, on September 12, 2021 at 7:56 p.m., due all my friends being in relationships, I will be going on a hunger strike to protest not having a girlfriend at Smith College.

If you are attracted to women at Smith College, having a hot girlfriend is a rite of passage. However, despite repeated attempts through Tinder, Bumble, and even face-to-face interaction I remain desperately single without any prospects on the horizon. I can say with confidence that not having a girlfriend is negatively affecting my mental well-being. I have nobody to cuddle with at night in a too small bed, nobody to take on dates to Dobra Tea, and nobody who I can force to watch the same three 90s lesbian movies over and over again. Despite numerous requests to the Dean of the College and Wellness services, Smith College has refused to set me up with a cute, available girl on campus (of which I know there are many).

I am a relatively pleasant person and while I have my fair share of issues, I am heavily medicated. There is no reason I should have to be single on a college campus that is known for being one of the gayest colleges in America.

Smith purports to care about their students’ social lives, but this is a lie. Smith does not seem to be concerned about my perpetual single-ness and inability to find love. Strangely enough, most people I know are in relationships — or at least situationships — while I remain alone, eating Cherry Garcia on a Saturday night. According to Smith, relationships begin and end with being interesting and attractive without the help of administration.

My primary demands are the following:

• A hot girlfriend who likes to read.

I would also like to point out that I am not nor have I ever been an incel, femcel, or fan of the movie Fight Club, as I am sure that some who read this will attempt to spin this. I actually consider myself an intersectional feminist and Lady Bird is my favorite movie. 

I am deeply ashamed to be affiliated with a historically women’s college that would rather attempt to keep a cute girl single than help her find someone to hook up with until she graduates. I can only hope that Smith’s administration will be able to live with their decision in years to come.

[Image description: bright pink background with black text that says “smith college girlfriend hunger strike.” On the left side, there’s a drawing of a bowl of food with a big blue ‘x’ next to it and on the right, two cartoon women holding hands with a large lime green check mark next to them.]