I may not be the best person to write about marriage. The thought of being officially committed to someone for the rest of my life makes me want to crawl out of my skin and I don’t think I’ll ever get married. Not because I’ve never been in love (although I haven’t), but because the institution of marriage horrifies me. Firstly, I don’t want to tie myself to an antiquated system designed by the patriarchy to treat women as commerce. Secondly, I couldn’t possibly love or trust anybody enough to share my life and, worse, my bank account with. Why would I want to share someone else’s credit card debt, hospital bills and emotional baggage?
But nothing, nothing, confounds me more than married college students. I haven’t even been in a serious relationship yet, let alone found someone I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with. Seeing people my age get married makes me realize that I’m not a child anymore; that I am perfectly capable of making legally binding decisions that will shape the rest of my life. Nothing makes you realize you’re growing up like your high school drug dealer tying the knot.
As my high school friends start getting engaged, and even some of my classmates at Smith have charming, on campus wedding ceremonies, all I can see is impending disaster. Call me cynical, but I don’t think marriage has a whole lot to do with love. As a child, I was fed the idea that marriage is the culmination of a love story— a real life happily ever after. That sentiment seemed hollow even then, as I saw my friends’ parents fighting, separating and eventually getting divorced. By the time I reached middle school, more of my friends had divorced parents than married ones and that’s not even counting the parents who were so blatantly unhappy together that even an impartial eleven year old could see it. I don’t understand why Generation Z wants to repeat this pattern.
It begs the question: are people getting married because they crave domestic bliss or because they want to publicly affirm their love? If the latter, why is it so important for everyone to know that you think you’ve found your “forever” person? Our generation posts everything on social media. It’s not necessarily good or bad but it’s the common form of self expression we’ve settled upon, so of course, people post about their anniversaries and landmark romantic events online. Are “Happy Valentines Day to you and yours” Instagram posts so cliched that one must now have an aesthetic, alternative TikTok wedding ceremony in order to show true love?
It’s not that I think that these young couples on my For You Page aren’t in love — I’m sure they are — and I sincerely hope that their relationships last a lifetime, as much as my common sense makes me think otherwise. But I wonder about this eagerness not only to get married, but to advertise it. What do you get from the whole world knowing that you’re nineteen and in love?
(Banner designed by Sadie Buerker ’22)
