Division I is more than just a dream. For Smith Athletics, it’s a reality.

Following Smith Basketball’s recent near win to New York University (NYU) at the NCAA DIII National Women’s Basketball Championship, The Sophian’s Sports and Wellness section received an anonymous tip that Smith Athletics will transition to NCAA Division I this fall.

In an interview with a field hockey athlete, she said that the new division “sounds good!”

Smith’s sports teams are consistently on the up and up. Smith Track and Field recently placed an exemplary 11th out of 12 teams at nationals, beating one other team. Smith Volleyball has also showcased high-level talent, defeating one team in the national tournament.

Although Smith’s athletic programs have yet to snatch a national championship, the department acknowledges that they’ve outgrown the New England Women’s and Men’s Athletic Conference (NEWMAC) and need to jump to a bigger pond. 

Beginning this fall, Smith will join the Big East Conference, competing against highly decorated schools like the University of Connecticut, and those other ones! That’s right, our very own basketball team will face off against star players like Paige Bueckers, and we don’t know about you, but we think Smith has the upper hand. She can’t be that much better than those NYU players, right? 

A Smith lacrosse player added, “We’re excited to bump heads and shafts with more competitive teams!”

With the jump to Division I, the influx of media attention will allow Smith student-athletes to snag fancy NIL (Name, Image, and Likeness) sponsorships from beloved local vendors like Pita Pocket and Oh My! Oh My has already offered to provide gear for Smith Swim and Dive, and luckily for them, it’s waterproof. Smith athletes will be swimming in cash from falafel ads and tarot card promotions to their 500 Instagram followers. 

Contrary to popular belief, Smith athletes currently do not receive athletic scholarships in compliance with Division III rules. However, with the move to Division I, Smith Athletics will now be able to grant athletic scholarships. Instead of graduating with crippling debt and long term concussion damage, athletes may leave with a different set of challenges, such as long term concussion damage. 

In light of the change, the athletic department announced its plans to cancel geothermal drilling on the athletic fields in favor of reconstructing the soccer field. According to the administration, “protecting the environment is for DIII sissies.” 

Smith Rugby inquired whether it would be included in the transition. Athletics administration responded with, “Better luck next time.”