Jenna Pepe ‘19, Katie Hitchcock-Smith ’17 and Kristine Chin ‘17
Contributing Writers
The Smith College Bipartisan Coalition has just announced that they will be bringing the floating head of Richard Nixon to campus. He will be joining Republican presidential speechwriter Lindsay Hayes on April 5 at 8 p.m. in Seeyle 106 to be interviewed in front of a live audience.
This is an unusual appearance from President Nixon, as his head has been cryogenically frozen in a jar since his death. Though his whereabouts have been unknown for years, it is rumored that he has been in a relative’s basement collecting dust and befriending the mice that happen to be within his sight.
The Sophian has confirmed that the Bipartisan Coalition was able to secure such prestigious speakers through the connections the club members have. One source stated that they were able to get in contact with Smith graduate Julie Eisenhower Nixon ’70, who happily dusted off President Nixon and FedEx’ed his head by priority mail to arrive before the event. Lindsay Hayes, who wrote for 2012 presidential candidate Mitt Romney, was also confirmed shortly thereafter. As we reported last year, Mitt Romney is probably undeniably the father of Bipartisan Coalition honcho Katie Hitchcock-Smith.
Both the former president and presidential speechwriter will be speaking about their lives and current political affairs. Though highly confidential information, a source close to the Bipartisan Coalition has shared a copy of the questions that will be asked during the event with the Sophian. We confirm such questions will consist of, “Why did you turn down Donald Trump in the primaries?” “How do you craft the voice of a candidate?” and “What was it like being stuck in a basement since your death in 1994?” It is unclear at this time which questions are intended for which speaker.
Katrina Derderian ’18, who will be interviewing President Nixon and Hayes, believes that this event will launch the organization to the next level. During the conversation, she also revealed that the Bipartisan Coalition would be inviting more “floating-heads” to speak about current political affairs. “We hope one of the next speakers will be the head of a journalist White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer bites off, it’s just a matter of time!”
Supporters of the organization agree with Derderian that this event could be pivotal in accruing positive support for the organization on Smith campus. As for this event, at least so far, it appears that there might actually be more attendees than protestors.
