Being away from Smith is very strange, to say the least. It’s full of contradictory emotions, homesickness – or rather Smith-sickness – and an intimidating amount of freedom. I will experience a full year of this, and to be honest, I’m kind of scared.
For the fall semester, I will be living in Washington, D.C. and interning with the Senate as a participant of the Smith Picker Program. In the spring, I will be studying abroad at the University of Auckland in New Zealand. I know I have a wonderful year — full of amazing opportunities — ahead of me, but throughout it all, I can’t help but think about what life back at Smith would be like.
When I am on campus during the school year, I often feel suffocated by what is commonly known as the “Smith Bubble.” It’s that feeling you get three or four weeks into the semester, when you forget that there exists a world outside of your studies, extracurricular activities and campus-related events. For some reason, this invisible constraint weighs me down throughout the semester. I find myself feeling like a marble circling in a funnel, sinking deeper and deeper into the gravity of Smith’s isolated system. Last year, I would go for runs in the bordering neighborhoods just to remind myself that there is life outside of Smith.
However, being off campus during the fall semester, I find myself missing that suffocating-but-strangely-comforting Smith Bubble more and more. I have my own little world at college. I have my friends who I see almost daily (or at least weekly), my classes, my student government meetings, my Smiffenpoofs rehearsals – I even miss just going into the Campus Center for that second coffee that I probably shouldn’t buy. I don’t have anything even close to that sense of community here in D.C.; I find myself really missing it.
There is also a budding sense of FOMO (fear of missing out) that has crept up behind me as the semester kicks off. It’s very weird to watch my friends from a distance (thank you social media!) move back into Smith, dress up for Convocation and complain about their first days of classes while I settle into a new apartment in D.C. and prepare for my fall internship. I find myself unwilling to mute the notifications from my house’s Facebook page (Comstock, a.k,a. the best house on campus) or remove myself from various student organization group chats, for fear of losing that amazing community — even though I don’t need to know when the mandatory house meeting is or who’s running late to rehearsal.
I feel like I’m in this strange and uncharted space in between college and “the real world.” During my daily commute on the Metro, my 9-6 internship at the Senate and my frequent visits to local coffee shops and make-your-own-bowl restaurants, I am surrounded by young professionals living their best life in D.C. I may talk like them, move like them and live like them, but I feel fundamentally different from them.
I feel like a student.
But I also don’t.
I am experiencing Smith from a distance while immersing myself in the masses of D.C. It’s a weird and often contradictory reality that has me feeling a myriad of emotions. Don’t get me wrong, I love being in D.C. right now and I am beyond grateful for this opportunity. Yet, like many things in life , it feels complicated, confusing and messy.
One comforting thought that I keep reminding myself is that I am not the first to feel this way. In fact, I’m sure most people who study off campus or even recently graduated feel similarly. For this exact reason, I’ve decided to write a bi-weekly column here, in the Sophian, about what it’s like experiencing Smith from a distance. I want to explore and share my experiences with students who have gone through this before, those who are also experiencing it now and Smith students who are thinking about going off campus in the future.
I also want to find more ways that I can connect with the wonderful and radical Smith community that I love and appreciate while off campus.
I invite you to join me every other week as I dive into the scary unknowns of “the real world” while still tethered to my home back at Smith. I also welcome and encourage any questions, comments, or suggestions of what you want to hear (just email me at rtoupin@smith.edu).
And if you have any friends that are off campus this semester, send them a quick “thinking of you!” or “miss you!” message. Trust me, it makes their day.
