Welcome to the Smith neighborhood! There are four neighborhoods here: Garden, Ivy, Mountain and Paradise … named for Paradise Pond, don’t get all uppity! And … Special-Interest? Special-Interest Neighborhood? For those curious, according to Smith College’s official housing, that’s Chase House, Hopkins House, Park Annex, Parsons Annex and Tenney House. No, Smith did not forget that Chase exists, but technically it is not in the same neighborhood as Duckett, which it is attached to. Don’t worry, Chase students — we in Ivy Neighborhood will be happy to have you as honorary neighbors.
Meanwhile, we’re less stoked about the ivy growing on Bass Hall. Listen, we won’t care once Neilson is up and running, but please, we need one library to look like it’s put together. … What? Josten? Who’s that?
Those of us in the Ivy neighborhood, however, are really proud of being close to Paradise Pond. The Smith website tells us so. What is the Paradise neighborhood proud of, you ask? Why, “[o]ur spacious, plush living rooms,” of course!
Not to be outdone, the Garden neighborhood enjoys long, scenic walks to the Botanical Gardens, featuring (for those lucky residents of Sessions and Sessions Annex) a walk across a busy street with a bus route! Garden neighborhood definitely does not participate in Quadi Gras. That is only for those in Paradise Neighborhood, including those in Parsons, who cross multiple streets to get to the event!
Last but not least, there is the Mountain neighborhood, which overlooks the rest of us fools. Their “architectural design” is unparalleled, mountains above the rest of us.
What? All isn’t as it seems in the neighborhoods? Upperclassmen are grumbling about “the Quad being broken up,” confused parents are looking for “Ivy Street” and we’re fighting over what mountain Smith is claiming as its own?
Alas, for those of you new to the neighborhood, I must break something to you: We have not always had such perfectly-named bliss. One year ago, we did not have Garden, Ivy, Mountain and Paradise. And Special-Interest. We had Center Campus, Green Street, Lower Elm, Upper Elm and the Quad. And Special-Interest. You may see the vestiges of the old order on stark black signs across campus: “Center Campus: Campus Center.” They were dark times indeed. Houses were labeled according to geographic location and pre-existing street names with no regard for the sights and sounds of our space: the rushing waters of Paradise Pond, the mountain on the horizon …
Which mountain? The mountain. You walk down into downtown, don’t you? That’s the mountain!
No! No further questions! That risks us slipping into the habits of those holdovers from the old guard: those who say they live in “the Quad” or that “They love Green Street.” Green Street itself, which still exists in our new system, is not a street that is terribly noteworthy. No one really goes around declaring their allegiance to it.
But, then, what is the point of declaring allegiance to a name? Whether it’s in “Mountain Neighborhood” or “Upper Elm,” does it really matter? It’s still where they stick bagels to fence posts as a sacrifice to the squirrel gods (long may they reign). It’s still Smith. All that’s changed is the people within it, and that changes all the time. That’s the revolution here, not the titles ascribed to those places!
Oh, but now my mind is reeling, and I still have homework to do. Perhaps it would be better if we heeded the advice of Benjamin Franklin: “Love thy neighbor … but don’t pull down your hedge.” You might anger the squirrel gods.
