Leaving home is never easy. It’s a concept I’m no stranger to after years of boarding school. Coming to Smith, still only a state away from home, felt new and exciting. But within the first couple of months, I began to feel a wave of homesickness: missing the chaos of New York City, home-cooked food and the comfort of being able to go home. Knowing fall break was coming up relieved most of the homesickness I felt, giving me something to look forward to. In realizing how easily I could return home, I began to wonder how it feels when the return home is further away.
Homesickness affects everyone and is a common and expected part of leaving home. But for international students who cannot easily return home, the feelings are amplified, especially during the holidays, when many students reunite with family.
To better understand what it’s like to be far from home, I spoke with two international students: my friends Léna Gning and Catherine Abilla ’29.
Gning’s father is from Senegal and her mother is from France; she has lived in both countries, as well as in Germany for school. Abilla, who is Kenyan-American, lived in the US for seven years and in Kenya for the last 11 years. The two, like me, attended boarding school before arriving at Smith. Upon arrival, Gning and Abilla participated in the International Students Pre-Orientation Program (ISP) which began on Aug. 24.
ISP is a required program for Smith international students on a college-sponsored visa but open to students with U.S. citizenship or permanent residency who wish to join. Abilla said that, although time-consuming, the program felt very informative and showed her that she has upperclassmen to lean on. Gning added that the program was so full of events and activities that she did not have time to feel homesick. Gning and Abilla noted that the program helped them find community before the semester even started.
“I had time to make friends who can understand my struggle before everybody comes,” Gning said, “I feel like [there] are not too many international [students], and otherwise they would just get lost in the masses and I would not have time to get to know them.”
Both Gning and Abilla emphasized the importance of building community in diffusing homesickness. Surrounded by people who share similar experiences has helped them feel less separated from the new environment. The two mentioned that arriving early allowed them to make mistakes, try things for the first time and feel a little less awkward because those around them were figuring it out, too. This is especially important for international students, for whom culture shock could start with learning how to use the showers in a U.S. dorm. Going through these first days of change alongside others can make navigating a new space a little easier.
Before Smith, the longest Abilla had been away from home was two for months when she attended Smith’s Women of Distinction program. For Gning it was four to five months during boarding school. The difference, she noted, was knowing that if something were to happen she could travel home on an eight hour bus ride.
Homesickness often goes hand in hand with culture shock. Being in a new environment with different customs, behaviors and people can heighten that sense of distance. International students start fresh, feeling out of place in an unfamiliar environment. Community, again, becomes an anchor: adjusting is easier when others are on the same journey. From them we can learn that belonging is not something automatically granted to us but something we build together.
Abilla attended an international high school in Kenya, where the majority of the population consisted of diverse African students. Her biggest culture shocks in the U.S. have been foods with unfamiliar flavors and seasonings, and the unlimited amount of snacks available in schools. She also described the U.S. as a “grab-and-go” culture. In Kenya, meal times are more about sitting down and taking the time to enjoy your meal. She also found the weather and daylight patterns difficult to adjust to. Because Kenya is on the equator, the sun rises at 6:30am and sets at 6:30pm. She mentioned the change in light and time as a struggle for her.
Gning’s experience of “home” is also complex: her family is scattered across France and Senegal. For her, being home doesn’t exactly mean reuniting with family because they are never in the same place at the same time.“I always miss home and I never miss home at the same time. I miss different parts of home at once,” she said.
One of those parts being customs and a native tongue. Humor and jokes don’t always translate. “(I) just (think) about the joke I want to say and it doesn’t match,” said Léna. Catherine added, “Nobody gets my humor.”
To manage homesickness, both students brought pieces of home with them. “I brought my crochet stuff, I brought stuffed animals and cultural clothing, I have deras, I have headscarves and bonnets, and then my family also gave me a Maasai blanket before coming with an engraved writing about Northampton and me coming to Smith. A lot of my earrings are from the Kenyan maasai markets, and the bracelets I wear everyday,” Abilla says.
Gning plays guitar, sings, and listens to music to feel less homesick.
Being home made it easy for Gning to ask parents how things work. “Here I’m just alone.” Whether it’s a call to the bank or policy in terms of health and other necessities, parents can’t always help because things work differently. Coming to college she felt truly responsible for herself for the first time. This independence brought its own challenges. “Here I’m just alone.” Whether it’s a call to the bank or navigating health insurance, parents can’t always help because things work differently in the U.S. Coming to college, she felt truly responsible for herself for the first time.
These are the kinds of struggles many domestic students rarely think about. Oftentimes, these are things I myself take for granted. While it may be easy for many of us to remain in contact with family and friends, it is often harder for international students to do so. Having a working phone number, being able to call my parents if I need help with anything, not having to worry about my bank at home and making calls for free. Even things like daylight savings, which may just be an inconvenience for some, for others can widen timezones and may result in losing time that could be used to call family back home.
And sure, independence is something you learn from practice and being away from home, but it is ten-fold when your loved ones are unfamiliar with the culture and you have to start from scratch.
Catherine also spoke about the identity tension she feels as a Kenyan-American. “I do have impostor syndrome because I am American and my dad’s entire side of the family is here, so it’s like I’m not alone and this was technically my home at a point, but like it still isn’t.”
Homesickness, though commonly and widely felt, is not a singular experience. Even among international students who share certain experiences, it takes on different shapes and meanings. It truly is just part of leaving home and it never entirely goes away. Nevertheless, I believe that in order to reduce these feelings and to not have them take over our experiences, we must turn to each other. From our international peers, we can learn how to build community. We can learn to appreciate our connections to home. We can learn to take home with us.
