Aries: On your way to class, you will find a clean-shaven squirrel dressed in a tuxedo and top hat. When you rub your eyes to check if the squirrel is real, it will disappear, and you’ll be hit with a splitting headache. So yeah, get some sleep this week.
Taurus: Don’t beat yourself up if this is the third time you’ve slept through your 9 a.m. or if you’re always forgetting to wear shoes! In time, things will come together, and you will find the ease to jot things into your planner.
Gemini: People are tired of hearing about how challenging your double major is! Find something non-school related to talk about.
Cancer: Write a letter to your dog, cat, pet or sibling. You will be relied upon greatly this week.
Leo: A green dog will ask you for a ride to a Hampshire party this weekend. Before you say anything, compliment the dog on its sense of style. Flattery will help you get out of awkward situations.
Virgo: Give somebody a hug! You never know — it just might make their day.
Libra: Happy birthday! Many good things are in store for you this week. Be sure to treasure your luck.
Scorpio: Do you feel guilty? Are you still hung up about that fight with a friend? Maybe you should reach out to them. Your friends will appreciate hearing from you and receiving a dozen chocolate croissants from Hubbard.
Sagittarius: You will meet your perfect match on your way to your 11:30 a.m. UMass class on Thursday. They will ask you about the time, and you will tell them that it’s 11:30 a.m. So make sure you’re late for class on Thursday; it could be the start of something new.
Capricorn: Oh, Capricorn. Stop spending six hours a day working on your five-year plan. Get out there this weekend and go to a UMass Frat. party.
Aquarius: Do you need to clear your head from the endless clutter of homework, clubs and adulting? Go for a swim this weekend. Reconnecting with nature and staying active will help you get back on track.
Pieces: If you were thinking of cutting your hair, redecorating your room, unfriending your besties from last semester — do it. Give yourself a fresh start! While you’re at it, take a five day trip out west. Don’t worry, the homework will do itself.
